when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
