Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
