I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
