I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
