did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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