Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
