So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize