Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
