I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize