Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
