My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
