i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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