Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
