i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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