I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize