home. puking in laundry basket.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the day after is always just damage control
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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