How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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