Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
