so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize