flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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