So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
