so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
