hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
