Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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