I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
