o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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