help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
