3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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