i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
