24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
