I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
