If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
