I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
