once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
