i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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