I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
