Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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