that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
