If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
