The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize