got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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