My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
