i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
