i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
