Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize