So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
