I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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