dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
