You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
