He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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