Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
