You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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