So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
