bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
