I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
