I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize