I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
