I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
