Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
