Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
