Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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