Me too!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
