i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
