So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
