you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize