I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
