We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
