you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
