I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
