so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
