wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
