lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
